The Perfect Trap For Middle-Aged Upper Middle Class

"Lying flat" young generation, "walking dead" middle-aged, and the energetic elderly

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Oct 23, 2024

We are Stella and Amy. We share firsthand stories and perspectives that are either lost in translation or simply inaccessible to you. Together, we bridge cultural divides and bring the world a little closer—one post at a time.

The Conversation

Stella and Amy had a conversation with Zoey, an experienced headhunter in China.

Zoey: From my experience with executive roles, they ask both men and women details about their marriage and family. Headhunters and companies have their own ways of evaluating candidates. For example, they assess the person’s relationship with their spouse, family situation, and whether there are non-work-related factors that might impact their decisions.
Amy: They even ask about the candidates’ parents?
Stella: Like whether the candidate’s parents can help take care of their grandchildren?
Zoey: Yep. We really do ask about a lot of family details for senior executives. For example, we might ask if the wife is a stay-at-home mom or has a job, and whether the children are being looked after by the grandparents. We've had cases where an executive was relocated, from Shenzhen to Shanghai, but because his wife didn’t get along with the in-laws, he had to move back within a year. There are all sorts of tricky situations like this, so we tend to ask a lot of questions to cover all bases.
Stella: Wow, unbelievable.
Zoey: The workplace culture here in China is really different. It's not just about the individual, like many people say here, marriage isn't just about two people—it’s about two families coming together.
Stella: Forget about marriage, it sounds like getting a job here is like the whole family joining the company, not just the individual.
Zoey: Exactly! When we hire for senior executive roles, if the candidate’s wife and family fully support him, he has fewer worries at home. But if there’s constant tension at home, it’s hard for him to focus on the new role, especially when he’s relocating. As a senior executive, he has to manage his team, work with his boss and colleagues—all while adjusting to a new environment. People only have so much energy.
Stella: It really sounds like a perfect trap. These executive roles basically demand the whole family to sacrifice and support that one person. And when everyone in the family is backing him, it often ends up with just that one person making all the money, or at least the majority of it. This puts so much pressure on that person that they can’t afford to leave their job easily. In the end, they’re forced to be even more loyal to the company. It feels like a perfectly designed setup.

The Cocoon

People holding senior or executive roles in China likely earn an upper middle-class salary, but the reality is far from glamorous. Many are weighed down by hefty monthly mortgages, childcare costs, and nonstop work demands. The job doesn’t just affect them—their entire family often has to pitch in to support their career. Many senior managers and executives are battling mental and physical health issues, but can’t afford to take a break. With mortgages to pay and families to support, they’re stuck in a relentless cycle of work and bills, far from the "high-income" lifestyle people assume they have.

The Perfect Trap

The demanding hours leave little room for a life outside work, turning these successful professionals into mere ATMs, responsible only for bringing home the paycheck. Family life only functions when others, usually the spouse (the wife, in most cases), step in to handle childcare and household duties. It often takes more than just the spouse—retired parents or in-laws are roped in too. In fact, three generations living together has become the norm in China, especially when both husband and wife work. But as you’d expect, living with in-laws often leads to tension and added stress.

Imagine working 12 hours a day in a high-stress environment, only to come home to a noisy apartment (average apartment size is 1000 square feet in major Chinese cities) filled with your kids, spouse, and parents/in-laws. Miserable, yeah? But they can’t quit. They’re trapped.

Trapped in Long Work Hours

In our last edition, we wrote about the grueling long hours in China's tech industry, where workers often face the notorious 996 schedule—9 am to 9 pm, 6 days a week. These relentless hours allow little space for personal growth or life outside work. The constant grind wears down morale, leaving employees disillusioned and burned out, with many feeling trapped in a cycle of exhaustion and dissatisfaction.

Trapped in the Pursuit of Being a 'Good Parent’

“不能输在起跑线上” ("Don’t lose at the starting line") is a mantra that fuels many Chinese parents' obsession with giving their children a head start in life. For people in middle age, who lived through China’s economic boom, the stakes feel even higher. They’ve witnessed how one golden opportunity can lift a family from poverty to wealth, often coming from rural roots where their grandparents scraped by on tiny plots of farmland. This history drives a deep fear of “阶级滑落” (social status decline).

Together, the pressure of "not losing at the starting line" and the fear of slipping back into hardship push families to spend endlessly on school programs, academic competitions, and sky-high mortgages for homes in top school districts—all of which demands more money to be brought back home.

Trapped by High Housing Price

China's top internet companies are clustered in cities like Beijing, Shanghai, Shenzhen, Hangzhou, and Guangzhou—where housing prices are through the roof. These cities consistently rank among the most expensive in the world, often beating out New York, Tokyo, and London in price-to-income ratios.

For many tech workers now in their 40s, who started families 10–15 years ago, taking on huge mortgages seemed like a safe bet. The tech industry was booming, and they were confident their salaries would continue to rise. Many even stretched their finances further to buy homes in highly coveted school districts.

With the tech industry slowing down and the threat of job cuts looming, these workers are exhausted by relentless work demands and trapped by crushing mortgage payments. Stuck in toxic work environments, they feel powerless to make a change, unable to quit or scale back for fear of financial ruin. It’s a vicious cycle, leaving them with no way to escape the grind.

Is it Worth it?

As China’s economic slowdown continues, an increasing number of major tech companies have announced a shift away from the 996 work schedule, returning to a five-day workweek. While this may seem like a positive change, it comes with the looming threat of layoffs, leaving many middle-aged professionals anxious about job security. Housing prices have dropped, yet the financial strain remains substantial for those who have already purchased homes. Their children, who have been striving since elementary school to get into top universities, risk burnout at a young age. Even if they succeed, they are likely headed for the same work grind as their parents.

The cycle repeats, leaving more people questioning: is sacrificing health, family, and happiness really worth chasing a “better” life that only keeps them trapped in the same cycle?

One may find a common theme between China’s middle-aged upper middle class and other parts of the world. They ask the same questions: is it all worth the sacrifices? Are we really creating a better life for the children, or just inviting them to the same rat race? However, they are probably too busy or cannot afford to do anything about it.

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We are Stella and Amy. We share firsthand stories and perspectives that are either lost in translation or simply inaccessible to you.